I believe in non-violence but I regularly ask myself, what if something is actually done to me and more importantly, those I love? In theory, the principle of non-violence and how it helps to break the cycle of violence and protracted conflict along with forgiveness and reconciliation is proven by history but what if it actually happens to me? What if my child experiences violence? The thought gets my heart rate up and my emotions in a spin.
I did go through a violent ordeal once where I was confronted by a gang in a London alleyway. I broke away and in the end, was stabbed in the chest with a knife. As someone who wholly believes in the teachings of Jesus somehow it was easy for me to forgive the persons who did this. I don't know how but it was. What wasn't easy to shake was the crippling fear of travelling home every day after that. It probably is a useless activity to compare what I experienced with the experiences of others. Still, I always feel that what I had to endure that night is nothing compared to the violence suffered by others, especially when you consider the extremism of and length others have to endure violence. I think I could maybe react in the same way should I taste violence again but I am not so sure. Growing old brings a bigger propensity to respond with fear and not the kind that protects you from dangerous situations but the kind that causes prejudice and fear of others. Where fear is allowed to grow and thrive, love can never exist and peace is impossible.
The thought of someone hurting my child fills me with such intense emotions which leads me to wonder how far my value of non-violence goes. I mean just someone cutting me off in traffic fills me with questionable emotions and causes reactions that I am sure disqualify me from "preaching" non-violence. Ok just for clarity, if you hurt my child I will surely hurt you if that is what is needed to get my child out of harm's way. What I am talking about is what happens afterwards. That impossible command of Jesus to love your enemy. And to forgive. To break the cycle at the expense of your own justified response.
I absolutely believe non-violence is a value that together with forgiveness breaks cycles of violence and stands on its own even if I should fail this standard. Unforgiveness will eat you and society alive and all will suffer including future children born into it. The last thing to be said is that forgiveness does not equate injustice to roam free. We all carry the consequences of our lives' actions and justice always should be pursued.
I believe and promote non-violence and forgiveness and hope by God's grace my practice will be stronger than my preaching.
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