Yes, it is 11 pm and I am still discontent with my life. Not in an ungrateful existential crisis I hate my life kind of way. Just in a, there must be better days ahead kind of way. South Africa can be an a-hole to your dreams. Yes, a real bully. Like it doesn't want you to get anything easy, but need to go through hell and back to have an ounce of what you want in life. South Africa personified does not go where you want it to go. You go where South Africa wants you to go. As I said to hell and back. Anyway another rabbit hole. Sorry.
When life gives me crap I tend to dream more, not to escape but to plan an escape route from my reality. I think I just therapied myself with that last line. Wow. Tomorrow I will have another idea and drive myself nuts for not having the resolve to stay with one thing. I don't mind the grind to stay with one thing. I just keep grilling myself and God about if it is the right thing. In the end, only one thing makes me happy and gives me a sense of purpose. The feeling and realization that I am doing something God wants me to do. But getting there is a pain in my behind.
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